The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
He has a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
…it runs in his jeans.
According to the numbers, someone in London gets stabbed every 45 seconds.
How many Germans does it take to change a light-bulb?
One, they are extremely efficient and not very funny.
Q: If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says “Wow, it’s hot in here”. The other muffin screams “AAAH!! A talking muffin!”
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean beef.
Have you heard about the duck that was arrested for dealing? He was selling “quack”.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
Q: What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?
A: Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ drizzle.
Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
A: Because the “P” is silent.
Q: Why don’t you ever see a hippopotamus hiding in a tree?
A: Because they’re really good at it.
A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
Q: What do you call a midget fortune teller who kills his customers?
A: A small medium at large.