Chuck Norris once pitched a no hitter from the bullpen.
Chuck Norris doesn’t win, he allows you to lose.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris’s brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.
Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting. The word “hunting” implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes KILLING.
When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Chuck Norris was the original sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.