Well, that explains it.

Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:

“Doctor, what’s the problem with me?

When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts…

When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts…

When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts…

When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!”

The Doctor replies: “Your finger is broken.”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

And that is how you handle them…

There’s this blonde. She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. She looks at the blonde woman’s ticket and tells the blonde; “ma’am you can’t sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class. please move to the back of the plane”

The blonde replies “I’m a blonde, I’m smart and have a good job. I’m not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica”

So the flight attendant, now hot under the collar at the blonde’s response, goes to another flight attendant and tells him what happened. So, he goes up to her and asks her to move to the back of the plane.

She then responds “I’m a blonde, I’m smart and have a good job. I’m not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica”.

The two flight attendants are steaming mad and they go to the co-pilot and tells him what is going on. He comes back to where the blonde is sitting and leans over and whispers something in her ear.

The two flight attendants were astonished when the blonde abruptly got up from her seat and moved to the back of the plane. They looked at each other and then the co-pilot and asked him what he told her.

The co-pilot, feeling good about himself told them “I just simply told the woman that the front half of the plane wasn’t going to Jamaica”.


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

Ummmm…

A blonde and her husband were watching the evening news together. The newsreader said “In international news, a disaster near Rio de Janeiro today. Five Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident.”

The blonde burst into tears, and her husband couldn’t comfort her. “They were participating on a risky sport, and they knew the dangers,” he said.

Through her tears, the blonde woman said “But that’s just so terrible! How many is a Brazilian?”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

It’s pretty obvious actually…

A blonde went into an electronics store and asked a clerk if she could buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looked at her and said that he didn’t serve blondes.

So, she went back home and dyed her hair black. The next day she returned to the store and asked the same thing. Again, the clerk said he didn’t serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde went home and dyed her hair yet again. This time she dyed it red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returned and asked a different clerk the same question. To her astonishment, this clerk also said that she didn’t serve blondes.

The blonde indignantly asked the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?” The clerk looked at her disgustedly and said,”That’s not a TV, it’s a microwave!”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

It’s too much work, really…

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, mate. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

A very moving speech…

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope dangling from the back of an airplane. Ten of them were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They came to the realization that the rope was about to break because there was too much weight on it. They decided that one of them had to give themselves up and let go so that the rest could survive.

Of course, no one wanted to be the one to die. Thinking fast, the brunette gave a very emotional speech in which she discussed the full life she had lived and her willingness to face death.

The blondes were so moved by her speech that they all started clapping in unison. Problem solved!


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

The state capitals…

There was a blonde who was sick and tired of hearing blonde jokes all the time. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, somebody started telling a dumb blonde joke.

She interrupted them with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.”

One of her co-workers, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”

“N,” she answered.

The state capitals… 5.00/5 (100.00%) 1 vote

FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

Quick work…

Looking for odd jobs to make some extra money, a blonde went to the front door of a house in a wealthy neighborhood and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well,” he said, “you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, who was inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should. She was standing on it.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and there was lots of paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

“Oh, by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari.”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

A long swim…

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all trapped on an desert island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam off trying to make it to the other shore and safety. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette tried next. She swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

Finally, the blonde worked up the courage to give it a try. She swam 30 miles, got tired, and swam back to the island.


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

Is it dark?

Two blondes were hanging out one night when the power went out. It was so dark you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. One said to the other, “Wow! It’s really dark in here, isn’t it?” The other blonde replied, “I don’t know, I can’t see.”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

IDK

Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”

Brunette: “I Don’t Know.”

Blonde: “Wow! Nobody seems to know what it means. Why do people keep using it?”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon

Lost in the desert…

Three friends got lost in the desert. One was a redhead, one was a brunette, and one was a blonde. After wandering around for a few hours, they stumbled across an old lamp half buried in the sand. The redhead picked it up and rubbed it, and a genie popped out of the lamp and granted them each one wish.

The redhead said, “I wish I was back in my house on the shore of Lake Michigan.” Poof! She was whisked home immediately.

The brunette said, “I wish I was at my parents place in Hawaii.” Poof! She was relaxing on the beach with a cold drink in her hand.

The blonde suddenly felt lonely and scared. She said, “I wish my friends were still here.”


FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestTumblrStumbleUpon