A man is found murdered on a Sunday morning. His wife calls the police immediately. The police question the wife and staff.
The wife said she was asleep, the cook said he was cooking breakfast, the gardener said she was picking vegetables, the butler said he was cleaning the closet, and the maid said she was getting the post.
The police immediately arrested the guilty person. Who was the murderer?
What kind of coat can only be put on when wet?
I am a cold man without a soul. If there is ever any warmth in me, it slowly will kill me. What am I?
A man was found dead in his study. He was slumped over his desk and a gun was in his hand. There was a cassette recorder on his desk.
When the police entered the room and pressed the play button on the tape recorder they heard: “I can’t go on. I have nothing to live for.” Then there was the sound of a gunshot.
How did the detective immediately know that the man had been murdered and it wasn’t a suicide?
A man was driving a black car. His lights were off. There was no moon out. A black cat was in the middle of the road. How did he know to stop?
Four people fall out of a boat into the ocean, but only three of them get their hair wet. How is this possible?
What can be swallowed, but can also swallow you?
A man was stopped by the fish and game-warden in Northern Idaho recently. He had with him two buckets of fish. He was leaving Robinson Lake, well known for its great fishing.
The fish and game warden asked the man: ‘Do you have a license to catch all those fish?’
The man replied to the game warden: ‘No, sir. These are my pet fish.’
‘Pet fish?’ the warden replied.
‘Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again.’
‘That’s a bunch of hogwash! Fish can’t do that!’ was the outburst from the Warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said: ‘Here, I’ll show you. It really works.’
‘O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!’ The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, ‘Well?’
‘Well, what?’ the man responded.
‘When are you going to call them back?’ The game warden prompted.
‘Call who back?’ The man asked.
‘The FISH.’ the warden said.
‘What fish?’ The man asked.
One day two men were fishing, when a Game Warden slipped up on them and asked to see their fishing licences.
One of the men took off running. So the warden started chasing him. He ran after the man up and down the side of the river, thru the swamp, up the side of a mountain, the man swam across the river with the warden right behind him. Then he swam back across the river with the warden still right behind him.
Finaly after about three miles of chasing the game warden caught up with the man, bleeding and out of breath the warden asked to see his fishing licence. The man reached in his pocket and pulled out his licence and handed it to the warden.
The warden asked why did you run? The man just looked at the warden and smiled and said: ‘my friend doesn’t have a licence!’
A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said.
“Aw, Dad, it’s okay” the son said. “The police car right behind us did the same thing.”
Jimmie was speeding along the Interstate Highway when he was pulled over by a State Trooper. The officer wrote out the ticket and handed it to him.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled Jimmie as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
“Keep it,” said the officer. “When you collect four of them you get a bicycle.”
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a horse face. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner.